i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
