Everything about him screamed your future.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
