Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
