oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
