living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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