just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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