I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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