So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
