Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
