And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
