Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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