Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
