Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
