I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I checked into jail on foursquare
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
