So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
