there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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