I wish life had little blips of pornography
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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