yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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