my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just pee around me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
