Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
