Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
