im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know her cup size but not her name....
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