I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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