Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
