I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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