if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
