i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
