This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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