i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
