I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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