I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
