if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
