remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
