Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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