The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
