you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
