I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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