he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
