Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
