guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
