maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
