just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
