He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
