3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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