See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
