I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
