his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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