so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
