Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
third nipple confirmed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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