i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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